Fear of Dying & The Big Family Mom


One of my greatest fears as a big family mom is parental death. If my husband is a little late coming home on icy roads it can take only seconds before I’m already imagining myself at the funeral, trying to comfort devastated children while spending the long years ahead weeping alone in our bed.

But, what if it’s me who goes first? I have walked a tender road with ten c-sections under my belt, each one carrying its own very real risks of maternal death.  Then there’s always the things no human could predict or really prepare for.  Rather than stay locked in helplessness and pre-emptive grief, I have found there are steps I can take to ease my mind in the face of the one guarantee in this life (next to taxes).

1 - Make Arrangements 

We made our first will and purchased life insurance when I was pregnant with baby number four.  The peace of mind this one action alone gave me was worth many nights’ sleep (which is a precious commodity for any mom of many!).  Planning what we would do in the unlikely but not impossible event of one or both of us dying allowed us to see what the financial needs would be and make plans accordingly within our means.  We were even able to include a clause for funeral costs since those can become costly, even for a simple service.

2 - Leave a Legacy 

When I wrote my first book, Mom of Many: Embracing The Blessing of Children, I told my husband that I could die now.  Woven into the pages of my part memoir, part apologetic was the story of how Jesus changed my life from the inside out.  Should my time come sooner than later, my youngest children who would never hear testimonies of God’s amazing grace from my lips, would receive it through the written word. Writing letters, journals or even a short biography for your children and grandchildren is a beautiful way to leave a legacy worth more than gold.  It’s something you can start small as part of daily devotions or even do as a special project with some other like-minded friends. If you’re not sure how to start writing, feel free to check this out.

3 - Let Go & Let God

There is a time to be born and a time to die (Ecclesiastes 3:2).  Though I wish everyone would live to speak blessing over their great grandchildren, it’s not a guarantee. A dear mother of eleven in my Big Family Moms community passed away suddenly from complications only a few days after giving birth.  The lives of her family & loved ones are forever changed because of her life and now her death.  As I pray for the God of all comfort to minister to those who mourn, I am reminded of how fleeting life is and how little control we have.  I could live in gripping fear or I could choose to do what I can then live today trusting God with tomorrow. God granted me the grace to welcome my own eleven children into the world and I trust He will be nearer to them then I ever could be in this life, and Lord willing, into eternity. 

Plan, prepare, and then leave the future in God’s hands.  Once you have done all you can humanly do to prepare your heart and family for the possibility of yours or your spouse's death then it is time to let go of fear that would rob you of today’s joy. That is what I have done and keep doing when death comes like a thief in the night as it did this week for a fellow big family mom. I pray that should the mystery of death come to my household sooner than later, I will be found faithful in the deepest grief to say ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” (Job 1:21) Into God’s hands I commit my spirit and into His hands, I commit my loved ones as well.

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If this blog blessed you feel free to join my Big Family Moms community where I have lots more resources and encouragement for moms like you overcoming struggles and growing in grace. Here’s the LINK if you like.

 

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