Standing Strong Against Pressure To Conform


Are you sure you should be having more children? You already have (fill in the number of socially unacceptable number of children). How can you provide for all of them? It’s irresponsible.

Clucking tongues. Shaking heads. Reproving eyes.

Yeah. I’ve been there. Heard that. Felt all the pressure to make other people feel better about my life.

It started after we had a massive heart change back when I had ‘only’ three children under three. We chose to surrender control to God concerning our family size. It had to be a God because, honestly, who voluntarily chooses to do have more than two children for fun?

Rather than a few years of babies and toddlers, it’s been my entire child-bearing season of life spanning from my late twenties into now, my mid-forties with eleven children ranging from seventeen to a 8 month old breastfeeding baby.

In the early years, others would take liberty to question this socially unconventional, but historically normative practice. Their pressure rattled me then because I did not personally know anyone who was ‘walking by faith and not by sight as we were’.

I knew they were out there, scattered across North America and the world. Publications like Above Rubies proved it to be so. Yet, it remained a lonely road for years with pressure from the outside to conform to the pattern of the world.

Funny thing about pressure: If you drop a closed can of soda into deep water it will hold its form. Put an empty can in and it will be crushed the deeper it goes. I needed something stronger within me to hold up under the social pressure around me.

Settling two things in my heart made all the difference.

First, I clarified who my Judge is. Was it a self-nominated panel of humanist judges, who largely did not root or ground themselves in the Word of God? Who gave little to no Biblical defence for their fear based arguments?  Following Jesus’ example when He was tested by temptation, I dug into God’s Word to fill myself with the truth: For the LORD is our judge, the LORD is our lawgiver, the LORD is our king; it is he who will save us. (Isaiah 33:22)

Second, I declared who my Provider is.  God’s ways are higher than our ways. His wisdom is foolishness to the world. Even many of my fellow believers held to their humanist neighbours rationales for elective vasectomies after 2 children. God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)  Choosing to believe, in spite of my feelings, the economic forecast, and the fears of others that God would provide has been and continues to be one of the most powerful and grounding core beliefs that holds me steady when the pressure is on.

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23: 1-4)

Rather than a sweet verse, this is my bedrock. The Lord is God and He calls me to trust & obey Him because He is Good.  When my faith is rooted in God’s Word & Character, then I find the grace, hope and love to embrace the gift of my womb and the fruit of it: Children created in His image. Then, I find that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Regardless of what any other person says or thinks. I keep calm and carry on because The LORD is my Judge and Shepherd and that’s enough for me.

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