The Pain of Announcing Pregnancy #4


Don’t you know how to fix that?

You’re insane.

How can you do that to your other children?

When we announced were expecting baby #4 the reactions were completely different than the previous ones. Crickets. Awkward glances.  I still remember feeling shocked, disturbed and at a complete loss for words. What happened to the joy and congratulations? Was our fourth child any less a blessing?

The reactions to birth announcement #4 (even just #3!) are sadly common even in Christian circles. They can really hurt and alienate a new mom daring to believe that baby #4 is just as much a blessing as #1 and #2. I know. I've been there, gone through all the painful emotions, and come out the other side with more perspective, humility and grace.

Here are some of the things that have helped me.

CONVICTIONS

1) I keep my eyes fixed on Christ letting him define my worth as a woman, wife & mother.  Being rooted in Scripture concerning His design, esteem and value of marriage, motherhood, and children in particular keeps me grounded when the winds of controversy blow.

2) God has declared children made in His Image to be blessings by their very existence. Circumstances, family size, current news cycles, and other people's opinions are besides the point.  I choose to let this light of faith shine before men knowing some HATE IT.  Many people attack the messenger to avoid dealing with the message. It’s classic human nature. I know, I used to do it in my heart all the time before God changed my world concerning children. It’s an incredible story of God’s grace which I share in my best selling book Mom of Many: Embracing The Blessing of Children. Feel free to check it out and be encouraged and equipped to overcome the deep fear regarding children and handle trying confrontations such as these with grace & poise.

BOUNDARIES

1) DUCK - I leave their fear, insecurity and low level manners in God's care & judgement by ducking at the foot of the Cross. I humble myself before God and let the offence go  towards the intended mark which is God‘s character and design versus me.

2) ADDRESS -  If I choose to address them, I look straight in the eye with a sweet yet firm smile and say in a clear confident mama bear voice, “we embrace children as blessings from God. We are confident and comfortable with our choice.” Emphasis on the PERIOD. Like, this conversation is OVER tone. My convictions, values, and sex life are not their concern nor an open invitation to hear other people’s personal opinion and fears.

3) WALK AWAY -  If they persist in rude fear based line of questioning and I feel myself getting upset I end the conversation knowing their fears are theirs. We disagree. Simple as that. I calmly yet firmly say, “We disagree on this. And that’s ok. I am choosing to end this conversation here.” Walk away.  Hang up (talk to you next week! Bye for now!)

I have walked through this fire and come out the other side so much stronger, so much clearer, so much more confident in Him and myself.  I remember praying intentionally over baby #4  when the reactions came fast and furious from those we expected to be the most supportive -- our fellow Christians. We chose our baby #4 name to mean blessing for this very reason. It is one of my life passions now to help other big family moms embrace the blessing of children and grow in grace. If I can, anyone can.

_________________

If this blog blessed you feel free to join my Big Family Moms community where I have lots more resources and encouragement for moms like you overcoming struggles and growing in grace. Here's the LINK if you like.

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