Three Keys To Being A Calm Mom


The kids volume has been spiking to insane levels all day.

You ask them to do X for the 4th time and it gets half done if at all.

You stepped on lego. Again. For the 6th time today.

The baby is fussing and nothing is working.

You haven’t left the house in a week.

Even going to the bathroom is getting interrupted.

You haven’t had a break, date or whole hot cup of coffee in way too long.

You can feel it rising — tension, anger, hurt.

Then one child does one little thing and BOOM!

Mom loses her cool and it’s…ugh.  Too loud. Too harsh.  Too much.

For a few seconds it feels better. Until the guilt sets in. Ugh. Enough to cry.

I get it.  I’ve done it more times than I care to publicly admit — especially earlier on in my big family mom life.

Good news — I’ve grown. I’ve improved. Being a calm mom in the chaos of life, especially big family life is now my norm. I know there is a way up & out of this cycle. It’s changed the environment of our home. My relationship with my children.  What I think of myself when I look in the mirror.

Here are the top three keys things I do by the grace of God that made (and still make!) huge differences in and through me.

1 - Creating a Rhythmic Routine

The stress of having little to no structure for your big family life can be a major tipping factor between being a calm mom or not.  Early on in my big family mom years I treated every day like a weekend. Messes were piling up, the kids were restless and fighting, I was on the phone way too much and tensions began to run high. When I chose to step up and into motherhood as a profession rather than casual gig a flexible, sustainable and enjoyable routine became my mainstay.  The children and I both benefit from me being calm with my dependable yet flexible routine.

2 - Get Help

Blow ups, guilt, shame, fear – rinse and repeat.  Sometimes we think there’s no help or hope so we just grit our teeth and attempt by sheer will to change dysfunctional or unhealthy patterns handed down from generation to generation.  I’ve found that giving myself space & grace to do some heart work with God and others is so much more effective and lasting than sheer will (which only lasts a matter of days or hours usually anyway).  This is the simple, gracious approach I use when it’s time to deal with what’s really going on in ME.

3 - Guarding My Health

Taking an inventory of my physical health has often revealed an area or two that I can adjust and help myself be calm in the chaos of big family life.  Stepping on lego may be beyond my human control, however going to bed an hour earlier is.  Reducing my caffeine and sugar intake to a healthy level for me (or getting freedom from using sugar, scrolling, or other addictive stress relief activities as per #2).  Drinking enough water for me and ensuring my basic nutrients are being met through whole foods and quality supplements my body will actually assimilate (or else why bother?) – these are things I get to choose.  If more serious or concerning health matters are going on then I reach out for more help from trusted sources in my life.

These 3 game changers have made massive differences in me and through me as a consequence.  Stress is going to happen in a big family home as in any home and life.  I choose choices every day that are helping me be calm on the inside even when it looks and feels like chaos on the outside.  My cycles of explosion were not a genetic or environmental doom. I was and am no victim – through Christ I have victory. I can and DO all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4.13). The change started in me as I dared to believe that it was even possible.  One day, one step, one change at a time.

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If this blog resonated with you feel free to join my Big Family Moms community where I have more resources and encouragement for moms like you overcoming struggles and growing in grace. Here's the LINK if you like.

 

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