Trying to Do Everything At Once

“Tell me how you balance everything? How do you have time to cook, clean, take care of a newborn & toddler, & still make time for homeschooling?  I feel like I'm failing my 8 year old. Also have an almost 6 & 4 yr old and a 1 yr old & newborn.. We're behind where we should be & we haven't sat down and read books together in months.”

I read these kinds of pleas for help in big family mom homeschooling groups all the time. My heart goes out to these dear moms because I’ve been there. I had four children under four, five under five and more. I was not prepared for motherhood.  Just keeping the kids alive was my main priority for years. Routine - ha! Balancing everything -- pfft! As we started homeschooling and my family grew so did the pressure, stress and expectations. I had to find a way to ‘do it all’. I’ve since learned, I was setting myself up.

It reminds me of New Year's Resolutions.  You know, the ones made in a rush of guilt and fear after a week of holiday indulgence? More like a full year of running on auto-pilot indulgence.  The final hurrah of the year ends on January first when reality comes crashing in and many of us feel the urgent need for change.

Motherhood, especially big family motherhood, can feel this way.  Everything is out of control, the kids are suffering, we are scared for where this is all going. Something has got to change. We sense the change begins with us. But where to begin??

I’ve tried changing multiple things at the same time like the dear mom quoted above. This approach typically fails. It’s just too much, too fast without only guilt and fear driving me.  The emotional high lasts about 4 days then I go back to old, familiar habits. Another year goes by.

Trying to change my whole life ALL at once is well intentioned and doomed to fail. The shame and guilt that come after the high of trying can be worse than how I felt before.

 I have found that making small yet lasting changes are far more enjoyable, gratifying and (most importantly) lasting.  It does start with me. The most lasting changes usually start a bit deeper than a mere change of habit.

 Habits are more than repetitive activity. Like fruit we can see they can be traced back to roots.  The real source of lasting change starts within.  That can be a process, yet one well worth undertaking if we are serious about changing generational cycles of poorly preparing our children for the future.

I slowly began to implement changes into my life starting with the highest priority beyond keeping the kids alive. For me that was creating a rhythmic routine so that I could begin to fit things in. Dealing with why I had such a lack of routine was the place to start. 

I’m so grateful that change did come. One step at a time rather than in one big jump.  I still have room to improve and by God’s grace I am growing day by day. My life is more organized. I fit things in that are important to me and know better when to say no. It’s a journey of grace. One step at a time.

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