Siblings Sharing Rooms in a Big Family

Like most Westerners, I grew up having my own bedroom.  Some of my fondest childhood memories were spent in my room playing Barbies, decorating the walls, or just enjoying being by myself.  It was my special place, a haven of rest, a place to call my own.

Fast forward to when my husband and I dedicated ourselves to welcome whatever number of children God would choose to entrust us with.  All kinds of worries cropped up. Some were more serious like health concerns or finances.  Others were less heavy yet meaningful such as room sharing with God knows how many siblings.  Would they be ok growing up without an entire room devoted to their interests, expression and personal belongings?  Would they resent being part of a big family because they had to share a room? We embraced the blessing of children as parents. Would they embrace each other as blessings too?

God in His wisdom and grace blessed us with a first born daughter then six boys in a row.  For the first 12 years of her life she shared her room briefly with a baby brother until they graduated into the boys room.  To our great surprise a second then third daughter came along over a decade later.  Those little girls won’t graduate out. They are in ‘her’ room to stay.

So how does our oldest feel about sharing her room now with two much younger sisters?  Does she resent it? Do they fight all the time and get on each other's nerves?

Rather than guess, I interviewed her to ask her personally. Her answers surprised, encouraged and enlightened me.

Turns out she actually likes spending time with her sisters (for the most part!). She knows these years will pass and she will always be the coolest big sister in their eyes.  They have a tremendous opportunity to develop deep ties built with many shared memories.  This to me is worth its weight in gold.

Keeping important or messy personal belongings up high avoids messes or frustration.  We also provide ‘stuff drawers’ on the main level where older children can store personal items rather than share everything.

When she’s struggling with anything we keep the lines of communication open. Our older kids pop a sticky note on the microwave to request a one on one talk with me or dad so that we can listen to their struggles and help them overcome in a constructive way that works well for everybody.  This is another golden opportunity to develop the skill of processing emotions and working through conflict in a healthy constructive way.

When I talk to big family moms whose children are grown they often share how the joys, memories and ties they shared in those early years far outweighed the challenges such as those of room sharing.  I choose to believe that children are a blessing in more ways than one.   Our family is the garden they are growing in, where they first learn to love and be loved, to solve problems, and to treat others the way they want to be treated.  They are learning to ‘love their neighbour as they love themselves’ beginning with the person they share a family name with, a home and even a room with.

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