What I Would tell Myself Before I Became A Big Family Mom


If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self when I only had four or five children there is so much I could say. I only planned to have three or four children yet by God’s grace and wisdom, I am the mother of eleven children earth side. If I could go back, of all the things I could tell that younger Tara, who was so unprepared for motherhood and had no other Christian big family moms in her life to talk to, I would tell her these three things.

You can learn new things. 

I had this idea that when I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree then I would be done learning. Ha! My God given love of learning may have been crushed through grinding gears of the institutional school experience, but it was still there waiting to be coaxed back into flame. The amount of information I lacked about motherhood presented a divinely perfect opportunity to learn new skills and grow in ways I never could have asked or imagined (Ephesians 3:20).  I have learned how to organize a big family home so I’m not drowning in clutter, get into a flowing routine that can flex at the next baby or crisis, and be a calm mom who can lead her kids into calm when life happens. Oh, and feed a big (now huge) family on a budget while paying off debt. I didn’t learn that in school, I learned that in the fire of real life and now can help other moms learn it too.

You will grow. 

Not through the easy or the effortless, but rather through and because of the hard.  The awkward and sometimes horribly rude comments from every quarter including church members when my big family tipped into the socially unacceptable size. The loneliness and feeling left out or left behind as other moms youngest aged out of diapers and car seats years before I was even halfway ‘done’.  The pain of miscarriage compounded by people saying it’s a sign or I have enough anyway.  The pressure of life is a melting pot that brings all my dross to the surface so that I see it and can give it to Jesus because He has exchanged His righteousness for my unrighteousness and calls me His own.  Safe in the always growing knowledge of His perfect love, I grow in grace, being sanctified day by day in the often small world and quiet life of a big family mom.

God will work all things together.

There have been tears, disappointments and long nights full of groaning prayers beyond words. There have been kisses, joys and years full of memories that sped by so fast. For every valley, there has been a mountaintop. For every sorrow, there has been comfort & healing. Hardly anything has worked out according to my plans, but they have worked out exactly as God foresaw. The mystery of His Grace that ‘works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His Name’ (Romans 8:28).  When we meet face to face I will understand the ‘why’. For now, I trust Him with the ‘what’ as I imperfectly serve God in the hidden ministry of a devoted wife & mother. 

 _______________

If this blog blessed you feel free to join my Big Family Moms community where I have lots more resources and encouragement for moms like you overcoming struggles and growing in grace. Here’s the link if you like.

Popular posts from this blog

Fear of Dying & The Big Family Mom

Image
One of my greatest fears as a big family mom is parental death. If my husband is a little late coming home on icy roads it can take only seconds before I’m already imagining myself at the funeral, trying to comfort devastated children while spending the long years ahead weeping alone in our bed. But, what if it’s me who goes first? I have walked a tender road with ten c-sections under my belt, each one carrying its own very real risks of maternal death.  Then there’s always the things no human could predict or really prepare for.  Rather than stay locked in helplessness and pre-emptive grief, I have found there are steps I can take to ease my mind in the face of the one guarantee in this life (next to taxes). 1 - Make Arrangements  We made our first will and purchased life insurance when I was pregnant with baby number four.  The peace of mind this one action alone gave me was worth many nights’ sleep (which is a precious commodity for any mom of many!).  Plann...
Read more

Feed Your Family for Less: Tips for Saving BIG on Groceries

Image
When the normally cheap chicken hot dogs hit four dollars for a dozen I knew we were going to be feeling it in our big family grocery bill real soon. With 11 children to feed the effects of inflation are felt on every front, especially in the grocery bill. I’ll admit that I’ve had a few moments where I’ve simply stopped to pray these past few months. It takes faith, courage and spending savvy to face inflation like a Provers 31 woman and smile. One thing that’s helped me is knowing that I’ve learned a thing of two over the years from other big families who were just a little further ahead on the road of life than me. I knew my many littles would soon include fast-growing young adults who would need more calories. I’m glad I did some research and began implementing money-saving tips on large family groceries then. It’s helping us go through these tighter times with more calm confidence. Since there appears to be a recession on a rise, I’m sharing a few tips that I’ve learned to help...
Read more

Helping Baby into a Sleep Routine

Image
When we got home from the hospital with our firstborn daughter I quickly realized I had no clue how to take care of a baby.  Sleep became one of my most precious commodities as my whole life turned into a 24 hour series of naps. In between feedings & naps I scoured the few how-to books I had to find some magic formula that would work.  My favorite was found in Tracy Hogg’s bestselling book, The Baby Whisperer . Her simple, common sense no-extremes approach resonated with me and gave me light in the surreal fog of the newborn days.  Here are the highlights I used with all 10 of my babies to help them get into a healthy sleep routine. Babies Give Sleep Signals When babies get tired they give some telltale cues such as rubbing eyes, yawning and mild fussing.  If the window of opportunity is missed it can be harder to get them to sleep once they become overtired. As soon as you see those it’s time to bundle them up to sleep. Babies Like To Be Swaddled All but one of ...
Read more